This is the second in a series of articles about ceremonial speaking. You can read the first article here.
I’m often approached by individuals who’ve been asked to speak at a special occasion. They want to deliver a memorable message; however, they usually tell me that they are not sure what direction to take. Through these conversations I’ve learned that good examples of ceremonial occasion remarks are difficult to find: movies are full of cliches and most of us haven’t benefited from excellent speaking role models. Without clear direction, those I’ve worked with have been concerned their remarks will be unclear, unstructured, unspecific, and unimpactful.
Regardless of the type of ceremonial remarks you are preparing — an award ceremony, an introduction, a wedding, retirement, or anniversary toast, a commencement address, or eulogy—give careful consideration to its theme, narrative structure, language, and delivery. In this article, I will walk you through the steps I take when preparing ceremonial remarks and the advice I share with my students and clients.
Establish A Theme
Your ceremonial remarks should have a central point. Chances are, after all the ceremonial presentations you have listened to in your life, you only remember one, perhaps two things from even the best speakers.
Think about a theme this way: Imagine you have just listened to an anniversary toast. As everyone is clapping, your friend walks in the room and asks, “What was the toast about?” Your response should capture the essence of the theme. And if you don’t know how to answer the question, the speaker may not have had a theme.
A good theme speaks universal truths. Communication theorist Walter Fisher once wrote, “It appears that there is a permanent public, an actual community existing over time, that believes in the values of truth, the good, beauty, health, wisdom, courage, temperance, justice, harmony, order, communion, [and] friendship….” These values are examples of themes that resonate with audiences.
If you are giving a wedding anniversary toast, you might speak about love or loyalty. If you are speaking at a company onboarding event, you might speak to a company value like hospitality or integrity. Themes that resonate with human emotions and shared values will create a more powerful message.
Develop A Narrative
Too many ceremonial presentations end up sounding like lists of facts. Your job as a speaker is to take those facts and organize them in a way that makes your message meaningful and memorable. Stories are one of the most effective tools for doing this. A narrative can shape your overall presentation, but you are more likely to use stories within an overarching structure.
Begin with the basics by including a beginning, middle, and end. Since we have already established that your audience is only likely to remember a few key ideas, consider using the “rule of three.” The commencement address Steve Jobs delivered at Stanford in 2005 employs the rule of three well.
The theme of the address was “How to live before you die” and he made three clear points that were supported with personal stories.
Trust: “You can’t connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backward. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future.”
Don’t settle: “The only way to do great work is to love what you do.”
Your time is limited: “Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose.”
Most good stories follow a simple structure. First, they set some context for the listener by describing a situation. Second, they introduce some kind of problem, complication or transformation. And third, the speaker closes with a solution, resolution, or life lesson.
President Abraham Lincoln delivered what is believed by many to be the greatest speech in United States history using this same narrative structure. The structure of Lincoln’s famous Gettysburg Address is noted below:
Situation: “Fourscore and seven years ago our fathers brought forth, on this continent, a new nation, conceived in Liberty, and dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal.”
Complication: “Now we are engaged in a great civil war, testing whether that nation, or any nation so conceived, and so dedicated, can long endure.”
Resolution: “...that from these honored dead we take increased devotion to that cause for which they gave the last full measure of devotion—that we here highly resolve that these dead shall not have died in vain…”
Pay Attention to Language
Listening is difficult. You know this and should keep this in mind when preparing ceremonial presentations. Your language should be more repetitious, less formal than writing, and more personal. Rhetorical devices such as analogies, alliteration, and anaphora will make your words more meaningful. Moreover, choosing words that are familiar to your audience will improve the clarity of your message. Also, speak directly to your audience. You will know you are doing this when you use the words: “you,” “we,” “our,” and “us.”
Included below are four sentences from the eulogy I delivered for my paternal grandmother, Sophie Quagliata. Note the use of repetition “May we” and the use of personalized language such as “us” and “we.”
“Sophie will live forever in all of us and in all the life she helped create. May we learn from Sophie that giving to others is the true path to a good life. May we pass on the gifts Sophie gave us to those we love. May we find comfort in knowing that Sophie was ready.”
Get Started
If you are ready to get started on a ceremonial presentation but feel a bit stuck, consider using the following process:
Write down four or five words you would use to describe the person, people, or event.
Outline a story that relates to each word.
Determine if there is a broad theme that ties the stories together.
Select the stories that will resonate most with your audience.
Go back and reinforce the broader theme in the stories with your choice of language.
Outline an introduction that introduces the theme.
Outline a closing that relates the theme to the audience.
Don’t try to accomplish all these steps in one sitting. The best ceremonial presentations are prepared well in advance, so give yourself enough time to think through your ideas. Taking it step by step will also make the process feel more manageable.
Practice Your Delivery
Once your message is clear, you can think about how to compel your audience’s attention with nonverbal communication. You must factor in the rate and volume of your voice. In addition, gestures, eye contact, posture, and movement affect how your audience receives your message. The most beautifully prepared remarks won’t have the same impact if the message is not delivered well.
Practice so that what you say doesn’t sound like something you wrote. If you want to be excellent (or even good) at delivering ceremonial presentations, you have to put in the time. Mark Twain is attributed with the following quote: “It usually takes me more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech.” He suggests, to make your remarks seem natural, even the best speakers need time to prepare and part of that is practicing what you plan to say.
Sources:
Jobs, Steve. (2005). Commencement Address. Stanford University.
Lincoln, A. (1863). The Gettysburg Address. Cornell University.
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